A Great Overwhelming Feeling of Relief

Today I went into work and was feeling all chirpy like, and was just a ball of happy energy. My coworker David commented on it, and I told him,
"Man, I'm just in such a good mood today. I had a spectacular weekend. I'm finally free of worry over the film battle that's been going on since last fall in a completely unexpected way... I feel great! I went to the zoo, saw some dear friends, spent the day with my favorite Auntie, and the boy spent the morning talking about his ride on a camel."
Then he said something that made me really take pause for a moment.
"Damn, that's good to hear. It's been a long time since I've seen the old Gilgamesh, the way you were when I first started working here. You've been so down for the last few months. I've missed the old happy you."
It didn't dim my happy, but I thought about it, and yeah, I have been just miserable for the last few months. Hell, I've probably been miserable since the middle of the winter, and it's been rough. I haven't been sleeping, I've been snappy and grouchy and my stomach has been acting up again. I haven't been seeing my friends either, and when I did I would spend my time moaning about my rotten life. I started this blog because I think I hit bottom the other night and needed to vent somehow or just pound my head against the desk until I saw blood.
And then I accepted Jesus into my life...


Kidding! Kidding! No, then I had a perfect weekend of being a Dad and hanging out with friends I love and seeing my family and suddenly it hit me like a bolt of something hitt-y,
I'm actually a happy person, and I like being happy. I know that sounds weird, but it's true. I used to define myself as being a basically happy person. For the last few years now, I've been gradually sliding away from that, until I became a miserable person with little bursts of happy instead of the other way around. Today though, I was just in an incandescently good mood, and it was like eating a favorite food you hadn't had in years, or picking up a musical instrument you thought you'd forgotten how to play and picking out a tune.

So here's my vow to me: For the next month, I'm going to try my previous philosophy of "Shit doesn't get me down, because it will make a funny story in the future".

The strangest part of this is what really pushed things over the edge. The producer I've been going back and forth with over the screenplay rights to the film for hell finally got in touch with my lawyer, and in writing flat out lied to him. And suddenly he went from a former friend I was having a horrible disagreement with that I couldn't wrap my head around to a lying weasel with an underhanded agenda. NOW I'm back in familiar territory, because we've all dealt with those. The thing was, what he lied about was so dumb, so blindingly false that all I could do was laugh hysterically. It was something along the lines of "Who are you going to believe, me or your lying eyes?"

That was it. The weight lifted, the vise unclamped from my head, my stomach settled and I was free! My universe settled into place, and I knew where I stood.

Tomorrow, I go to get my teeth drilled for the first time in my life. I'm convinced that my anxiety and depression are responsible for my teeth decaying, so let's hope this is the last time.